Server Redesign and Partial Hiatus

 

Art by the wonderful Bri!

Hi Nightmarian Crew! It's time for an update on a few things!

So for those that are in the discord server, I recently announced starting my hiatus a bit early, while trying to squeak a stream or two in during it. At this point, that would be considered a partial hiatus, which is what we're going to do. If I find myself in the mindset to stream in-between everything going on, then I will. D&D Sundays will still be a thing until then, and there are a few other things that I do have in mind while trying to figure some things out.

So what exactly are the things that I'm trying to figure out? Well, within the next month I will be moving and thusly, a lot of my time will be focused on researching/applying, packing, planning, and working for the most part until I get myself settled in to a new place. I have been aggressively apartment searching for the past month and being on a time crunch is hard, so most of my pressure and stress (while also trying not to stress and keeping a positive level head, even though truthfully, hasn't been working too well 😓) has mostly been on that as well as my mental health. Mental health has also been "touch and go" as well, so there are some days where I will have highs and other days I will have plummets. In order to help with that, I have been spending time with those closest to me in order to give myself time to breathe among the things that have been suffocating me. The last couple of weeks, I have been having a tough time sleeping and eating, but don't worry still making sure that I'm taking care of myself and being more forgiving of myself too.

For those that have been there for me recently and have made sure that I'm okay, you can't imagine how grateful I am to have people who know the real and loving me, and have been ensuring that I don't burn myself out while spending time with me. You guys truly are my clan, and thank you for not giving up on me, especially when things get hard. Thank you for always having my back, making me laugh, and bringing me joy during my dark days, and thank you for helping me along with my healing journey.

Now that I got that stuff out of the way, I wanted to move on to the next subject, which is the discord server redesign! As of recent, I have been rearranging and rebuilding the discord server, and everything is almost complete! During my partial hiatus, I will continue to work on tweaking things, improving things, and updating things. Once all of it is done, there will be a new blog post and announcement for when everything is ready to go and what to look forward to! For those who are in the server right now, thank you for being patient as things get fixed up! I hope you guys will enjoy what I have in mind for the future of the server!!

That also goes for the rest of the community as well! Thank you for being so patient and caring while I try to deal with all of this. I will always reiterate how this community is based on love, care, and friendship, and how this community will remain a safe and judgement free place. I hope we can continue to spread that love and grow this community to the best that it can be!

Until then Nightmarian Crew! Remember that you matter, and remember to take one day at a time.

Mario the Maniac

 Hi guys,

Sorry for the impromptu blog post, but this week, something happened and I learned things that I should have paid attention to better a long time ago that left me feeling disgusted, as well as horrified and I wanted to finally say my end of things after talking with someone about it. I am sharing this post as a way to confirm some things as someone who has known him for so long. Giving a quick shoutout to the following who have already talked about their shares of this whole situation and know that you guys have my support (the same goes for anyone else that steps forward as well):

• Kay, for being the first to speak.
  
• Queen Kat, for stepping forward
  
• Invisible Davis, for adding onto some of Queen Kat's stuff
  
• Mitch for also explaining some things

I have known him for 20 years of my life, having met him back during ye olde days of Gaia Online. I'm just going to keep things simple here and I'm sure a lot of you guys will be able to fill in the rest from everyone else that came forward:

• Yes. He has always been like this. I've had to deal with it too even when we dated for 6 months. It just wasn't as prominent as it is now and it wasn't this high of a degree and if it was, he hid it well or it had been dormant for quite some time. A lot of this information that's been coming out is familiar to me, while other details are fresh and new.
• No. I knew none of the recent things that has been going on because he never shared anything about his YouTube life with me and was always hush hush about things. Now I know why thanks to Kay and several others that I mentioned above.
• No. I never watched any of his videos and yes, I was in a series or two at one point, both became long discontinued when I broke up with him due to certain reasons. You can do the math there.
• Yes. The original friend group that he had before his YouTube gig (and basically ditched everyone except for me because a long time ago he was obsessed with me for a long time before I chose to date him that brief time) are all pissed and disgusted with him, and now want nothing to do with him.
• Yes. He makes excuses, lies a lot, brushes things off, AND he runs away when he knows he's cooked and knows that he's in serious hot water. I've seen it more than enough times over the years and he never owns up to his shit.

I could say so much more, but this is as far as I will say unless something else happens otherwise. I want nothing to do with him and plan to keep it that way now that everything is out in the open. If anyone else comes forward, I stand with them along with those I mentioned above who had to deal with his inappropriate harassment, as now, looking back on everything, have realized that I myself dealt with some similar things over the years. All the little things that I let slide in the past that were actually things I was never okay with that I never was able to speak up on because at the time, my mental health wasn't in the greatest place (though much better than it has been in years for the most part) and all these little things accumulated to more of a substantial degree than I realize.

For those who worked with Mario, and need confirmation about certain things, you can reach out to me on Twitter/X if there's something that you're unsure about.

Oh, and Mario? All I'm going to say is the following image:

Much love to everyone else! Hope some of this kind of helped without me losing more sleep or having another mental breakdown.

Updates Updates Updates!

 Hello Nightmarian Crew!

    It's been a bit since the last update, but wanted to share a few things that have been going on. First things first: doing much better mentally and emotionally. I still have a lot going on irl, but takings things day by day. On my harder days, been taking time for myself to allow myself to just be, even while burning myself out on both ends. (God I need a vacation lol)

    Streams will be returning to a normal rhythm soon once I'm not consistently exhausted and once the tides have settled a little bit more. But I will hint that there are some amazing things ahead that I've been working on and that I am apart of and I can't wait for the day to be able to share these things with all of you guys!

    Next order of business: Virtual Villagers. As some of you have known from previous streams, I was playing a game series called Virtual Villagers (A New Home and The Lost Children thus far). Each game had a twitch village that we would check up on at the start and at the end of every stream to see how the village was doing. These games will be coming back soon for streams, and I can't wait to bring back a game that brings me joy (and I know quite a few of you enjoyed as well! Don't worry the villagers are fine! They're on pause right now so that way there isn't mass destruction!). Eventually over time there will be other games as well that are nearly similar that I will add to the fun, but for now I hope you continue to join me on this adventure with the twitch villages I have made!

    I also have updates in regards to my OC as well as the Discord Server. At this time, Captain Xel is in the early stages of a redesign that will be more authentic to me as a person as well as her as a character. At this time, any requests to have Xel in artwork is currently suspended unless I give an exception, so I apologize if I do say "no". As much as I love the Captain's current design, I felt like there was time for a change after contemplating some parts of her lore, and as such, I want to be able to do her justice as a character, and as a part of myself. While Xel stands on her own as a character, she still has parts of me that I want to be able to intertwine into her lore and her book series. Please be patient as I go through these stages of revision, and know that the wait will be worth it so stay tuned! (I do also have some other characters that I will introduce over time, so look forward to them as well!)

    As for the Discord Server, I am currently making changes to it in order to shape it into less of a cluttered mess as well as figuring out what else I want to be able to add into it that will make the community thrive more (also thank you to Nero and Pandy for giving some input here and there about a few things! This is why the both of you are two of my Council Members!). I have been working on some notes and plans and have been making subtle changes as I go along once I solidify something, and I can't wait for you all to see what the next form of life the Discord Server will be getting! I want the server to still be a welcoming place for everyone as well as a safe space, and I want us to continue to build this community together! I hope you all will enjoy what I have in store once everything is complete, and I'm very excited for this next stage and to share it with all of you guys! (That does also mean that the rules will get reshaped a bit, sorry everyone!!)

    This is all the updates I have for right now, and thank you so much for being patient as I start to write the next chapter of amazing things ahead! Let's continue to be the best damn crew on the sea, and know that I am grateful for each and every one of you guys! Until next time!

This art was created by the amazing Kosmostars! (unfortunately I don't have socials for them, sorry! :c )

Uphill Battles Ahead

 Hey everyone. . .

I know it's been awhile since I've actually been around and active, and I wanted to apologize for my sudden disappearance. . .I am extremely sorry for leaving with no warning, but what can you do when the world turns upside down, overwhelms you, and brings you to the brink of your mental health?

I am still in a long battle with my depression right now, which is why I am deciding my stream schedule becomes sporadic again. Most of my streams will be low energy or no mic for now, and I ask everyone still continue to respect my privacy. I am not answering any questions, so please don't push as it's nobody's concern when it come to what's behind closed doors. I have many demons to face and must face them on my own, and it will be some time before I have some form of normal. I don't know when my next stream will be just yet, so please be patient as I try to get back into a better headspace and take accountability for my actions by processing, resetting, and learning.

I am extremely sorry for feeling like I am failing all of you guys. The constant cancellations, the constant disappearing. This community is built on love and care, and will continue to be as such. I want to continue to tend the gardens and bring you all joy, but it's hard for me to do that when I cam like this right now. I understand if a lot of you are disappointed with me as well as upset with me, and you all have every right to be. I feel like I've let a lot of you down and I feel like I let a lot of my inner circle down as well. . .I know I should be better than a lot of things lately, and slowly I'm taking the steps to get to where I want to be and where I need to be mentally and emotionally. Honestly, I'm even disappointed with myself, which makes it hard for me to even function on some days to where all I really want to do is just lay in bed and pretend that the world doesn't exist.

But if I did that, then where would I end up right?

No amount of apologies can undo things that have been done and no words of "I'm trying" can mend things. The only way to mend things is progress, acceptance of mistakes, and truly learning from them. I want to thank several people who reached out to me lately (and gods I wish I hard art with everyone, but I do with a couple of them) to make sure my mental state didn't take a turn for the worst through all this time that I have been taking a break (and will still be doing so until I feel like I am fully ready to be back).

Massive love to Nero, Doom, Mike, Cirex, Isa, Tim, Julia, Dee, Sarah, and Lane for being stubborn and making sure I had a support system through all of this. You made this large world feel less lonely and dark and I couldn't be more grateful for the distractions when I needed to get my mind somewhere else for a bit.

Things will get better, at least, that's what I'm telling myself, and going forward I am going to do my damndest to get to that better version of myself in this rough journey. All it takes is time, effort, love, and self care. I hope you all continue to enjoy your time here on the ship, and I'll be fully back before you know it. Sending all my love to you my Nightmarian Crew.

With love from your favorite Demisexual/Demiromantic Pirate (happy pride month),

Xel

Art of Nero and I from KJComics

Art of Doom and I made by Melle-D

This art piece of Cirex and I was made by Cirex Himself

New Twitch Redeems and Virtual Villagers!

Hey Nightmarian Crew!

Got a fun thing to introduce to the twitch streams! Say hello to the Virtual Villagers games, a game series that is near and dear to my heart and was something that Captain Mom and I would play together all the time! With this game series comes new twitch redeems so I hope you're ready!

What is Virtual Villagers?

Virtual Villagers is a life/sim game where you raise a village and uncover the secrets the island of Isola may have! The goal basically is to have the village survive and thrive through strategic planning with tech points a bunch of other things! This is just the short and sweet answer!

What New Channel Redeems are being added?

New Channel Redeems are as follows:

• Get a Villager Named After you!: Plain and simple. It's not going to be your full username, but what you want your villager to go by. For example (hi Daichi! We're going to use you as my example!): If your username is DaichiTatsuo, you can either have your villager go by "Daichi" or "Tatsuo".
• Choose your Villager's Career!: There are various careers that you can choose for your villager. Which one you decide is up to you! (Please note: please redeem once per career, and please try to only redeem twice for now! I want your villager to at least master two of them before you can choose a third!)
  Which jobs are there exactly? Well allow me to explain!
• Farming: The Farming Career is simple, in which your villager will become the food gatherer for the village! This is an important job, as food is what will make the village survive and thrive! Without enough food, the villagers can die of starvation!
• Building: The Building Career is important, as there are some areas in the village where you either need to clear things out, build huts, and more!
• Research: Researchers help gain "Tech Points", which are used to upgrade the village in order to make the population thrive! Without enough things upgraded, the Village could suffer, which we don't want!
• Healing: Healers are important as Villagers CAN get sick! If they stay sick for a prolonged period of time, the villager can die. Children can also become healers, even though children can't pick a career until they reach the age of 14!
• Breeding: This career is known as the Parent career! Parents help the population and increase chances of a female villager having children easier. In addition, some of these games have it where your parent villager can tell stories to the children of the village!
• Choose your Villager's "other pair": For a thriving village, it's important to increase the population! Redeeming this, you choose which villager you want to "pair" with. (If you want the blunt version: CHOOSE A VILLAGER TO FUCK AND MAKE BABIES). Sorry ya'll, there's no same gender pairings in this unfortunately. 😅Please also bear in mind that this will also take me some time, as we don't want to overpopulate the village right away!! Doing so will put a strain on the food supply if the resources aren't upgraded enough yet!
  
  Also as a side note: I have a right to say no/pick someone else depending on the villager's age, so please bear that in mind! I will also be keeping a detailed track on who the parents of the children are. Got it?

How Will This Work?

The way this will be added to the stream is simple. While I am streaming the game of the day depending on what I put on my schedule, I will have the game playing at 2x speed for however long that I stream. At the end of stream, we will pull up the game up to see what is going on with the village. There are time where there will be events, and, depending on if the villager is named by someone already, that person will have the opportunity to make the decision themselves! However, if said person is not in stream, then I will make the decision for them so make sure you stay tuned for the end of stream for the village's updates! When off stream, I will either pause the game (which I can do if we don't want anything to happen!) or, if we want to see what happens next, I can keep the game at 1/2 speed (which will still make the village function, but at a slower pace). If you are a part of the discord, we can also determine whether or not you guys want a start and end stream check-in (which means if the game was running at 1/2 speed the previous stream, then we can check on the villagers before we begin and set the pace to 2x speed) or if you want an end stream only check in (which means if the game was paused, I'll start the game up again at 2x speed and check how things are at the end.

If you would like to learn more information about this fun game series as well as other games the developers have made, check out their website here on what other games they have made!

I will also be adding three more of their game series into my streams in the future (once I buy them of course!), so stay tuned for a future announcement from me on when I do! I figured I would start off with this game series first as it's one that I still enjoy to this day, and I'm super excited to play it again and share it with you all as a community (plus participation! Who doesn't love that?).

This game will be implemented the next time I stream, as I need time to set the redeems up as well as some possibly new sound alerts that I want to add! What the sound alerts may be, well, you'll have to wait and see!

That's it from me for now. I'm also still taking things day by day and things have been a bit tough but hanging in there! Until then Nightmarian Crew!

This photo is from the Virtual Villagers: A New Home starting screen!

Mental Health Update as well as Future Plans

 Hey Nightmarian Crew,

I know that it's been awhile since I have been extremely active when it comes to streaming, to my socials, to all of it really. For that, I apologize since that's not usually my style to keep quiet and not give a full update on where I stand and how I am feeling. A lot has been going on, some stuff I prefer to keep private for my own reasons, but know that I'm slowly trying to get myself into a better place day by day.

For streaming currently, I don't have a full schedule like I said I would because of how bad my mental health got. For now, I'm only going to stream when I feel like I'm at my best. I could end up streaming 3-4 days a week. I could end up streaming 1-2 days a week. It all depends on where I am during my healing journey. If things change, there will be another update, but for now, I feel like this is the best course of action so that way pressure doesn't cause my mental health to slip.

For the other socials, I'm currently building up some stuff to post so that way I have things for each one. In addition, once I feel like I'm in a good place when it comes to my content, I will have a social media schedule that will match it. I want to be able to give you all the best content and I want to be able to give you all things to enjoy seeing. I can't wait to share what I have planned once I have it all put together, so know that there are some things that are being worked on behind the scenes as I give everything a fresh coat of paint.

There are a few other personal matters that I am also taking care of behind the scenes as well all while working my day job, but I want to thank everyone again for being so patient, kind, and loving as I try to get through everything as much as I can. It truly does mean the world to me as I navigate everything and everyone has been super sweet.

Until then my Nightmarian Crew. I will see you all in the next update once I have one. Just continue to bear with me and know that everything I'm planning will be worth the wait.

As always, art by Melle-D

Happy New Year! Let's Talk About What's Ahead!

 Hello Nightmarian Crew, and Happy New Year and a prosperous 2026 ahead!

So I thought I would share a few thoughts that I had from the last time that I did a blog post. I have a lot to revamp still when it comes to the server, so within the next couple of months I want to try to get the rest of the server renovations finished. The directory will also be updated as well with any new forums that have been made.

I also noticed that I haven't fully been able to work on a schedule for both streaming and content, and for that, I want to apologize. 2025 certainly was a difficult year for me, with a lot of unexpected things happening to me that effected my mental and emotional well being, so some days have been harder than others because of it. This coming year, I have the plans to continue to work on myself mentally and emotionally while fulfilling as much as I can to bring you more content and more things to share!

New games will be streamed here and there from what was voted in the discord! I want to work better at having a consistent schedule for you all as much as possible (day job hours willing) so that way I can continue to spread the joy I have when it comes to the things that I love! In addition, I want to start expanding out when it comes to stuff that I enjoy, so that way there's more content for you all to enjoy! What I have in store however, well, you have to wait and see.

I have several goals this year as well that I would also like to share with you all. Those goals are the following:

• The goal for twitch is to get to at least 500 by the end of this year. Think we can do it? ;)
  
• Get more content out on my socials for you all to enjoy!
• Get a consistent schedule going for you all!
• Do more collabs with friends and others!
• Get the rest of the server fully revamped.

These are the main goals that I have, and I can't wait to see what adventures await! I hope you all will continue to follow me on this beautiful journey and let's make this year as productive and self loving as possible! Thank you for everyone who continues to support and follow my shenanigans, and let's continue to make the best community ever!

And as always, continue to enjoy your time on the ship!

With love, Xel

Art by the marvelous Melle-D