Uphill Battles Ahead

 Hey everyone. . .

I know it's been awhile since I've actually been around and active, and I wanted to apologize for my sudden disappearance. . .I am extremely sorry for leaving with no warning, but what can you do when the world turns upside down, overwhelms you, and brings you to the brink of your mental health?

I am still in a long battle with my depression right now, which is why I am deciding my stream schedule becomes sporadic again. Most of my streams will be low energy or no mic for now, and I ask everyone still continue to respect my privacy. I am not answering any questions, so please don't push as it's nobody's concern when it come to what's behind closed doors. I have many demons to face and must face them on my own, and it will be some time before I have some form of normal. I don't know when my next stream will be just yet, so please be patient as I try to get back into a better headspace and take accountability for my actions by processing, resetting, and learning.

I am extremely sorry for feeling like I am failing all of you guys. The constant cancellations, the constant disappearing. This community is built on love and care, and will continue to be as such. I want to continue to tend the gardens and bring you all joy, but it's hard for me to do that when I cam like this right now. I understand if a lot of you are disappointed with me as well as upset with me, and you all have every right to be. I feel like I've let a lot of you down and I feel like I let a lot of my inner circle down as well. . .I know I should be better than a lot of things lately, and slowly I'm taking the steps to get to where I want to be and where I need to be mentally and emotionally. Honestly, I'm even disappointed with myself, which makes it hard for me to even function on some days to where all I really want to do is just lay in bed and pretend that the world doesn't exist.

But if I did that, then where would I end up right?

No amount of apologies can undo things that have been done and no words of "I'm trying" can mend things. The only way to mend things is progress, acceptance of mistakes, and truly learning from them. I want to thank several people who reached out to me lately (and gods I wish I hard art with everyone, but I do with a couple of them) to make sure my mental state didn't take a turn for the worst through all this time that I have been taking a break (and will still be doing so until I feel like I am fully ready to be back).

Massive love to Nero, Doom, Mike, Cirex, Isa, Tim, Julia, Dee, Sarah, and Lane for being stubborn and making sure I had a support system through all of this. You made this large world feel less lonely and dark and I couldn't be more grateful for the distractions when I needed to get my mind somewhere else for a bit.

Things will get better, at least, that's what I'm telling myself, and going forward I am going to do my damndest to get to that better version of myself in this rough journey. All it takes is time, effort, love, and self care. I hope you all continue to enjoy your time here on the ship, and I'll be fully back before you know it. Sending all my love to you my Nightmarian Crew.

With love from your favorite Demisexual/Demiromantic Pirate (happy pride month),

Xel

Art of Nero and I from KJComics

Art of Doom and I made by Melle-D

This art piece of Cirex and I was made by Cirex Himself

New Twitch Redeems and Virtual Villagers!

Hey Nightmarian Crew!

Got a fun thing to introduce to the twitch streams! Say hello to the Virtual Villagers games, a game series that is near and dear to my heart and was something that Captain Mom and I would play together all the time! With this game series comes new twitch redeems so I hope you're ready!

What is Virtual Villagers?

Virtual Villagers is a life/sim game where you raise a village and uncover the secrets the island of Isola may have! The goal basically is to have the village survive and thrive through strategic planning with tech points a bunch of other things! This is just the short and sweet answer!

What New Channel Redeems are being added?

New Channel Redeems are as follows:

• Get a Villager Named After you!: Plain and simple. It's not going to be your full username, but what you want your villager to go by. For example (hi Daichi! We're going to use you as my example!): If your username is DaichiTatsuo, you can either have your villager go by "Daichi" or "Tatsuo".
• Choose your Villager's Career!: There are various careers that you can choose for your villager. Which one you decide is up to you! (Please note: please redeem once per career, and please try to only redeem twice for now! I want your villager to at least master two of them before you can choose a third!)
  Which jobs are there exactly? Well allow me to explain!
• Farming: The Farming Career is simple, in which your villager will become the food gatherer for the village! This is an important job, as food is what will make the village survive and thrive! Without enough food, the villagers can die of starvation!
• Building: The Building Career is important, as there are some areas in the village where you either need to clear things out, build huts, and more!
• Research: Researchers help gain "Tech Points", which are used to upgrade the village in order to make the population thrive! Without enough things upgraded, the Village could suffer, which we don't want!
• Healing: Healers are important as Villagers CAN get sick! If they stay sick for a prolonged period of time, the villager can die. Children can also become healers, even though children can't pick a career until they reach the age of 14!
• Breeding: This career is known as the Parent career! Parents help the population and increase chances of a female villager having children easier. In addition, some of these games have it where your parent villager can tell stories to the children of the village!
• Choose your Villager's "other pair": For a thriving village, it's important to increase the population! Redeeming this, you choose which villager you want to "pair" with. (If you want the blunt version: CHOOSE A VILLAGER TO FUCK AND MAKE BABIES). Sorry ya'll, there's no same gender pairings in this unfortunately. 😅Please also bear in mind that this will also take me some time, as we don't want to overpopulate the village right away!! Doing so will put a strain on the food supply if the resources aren't upgraded enough yet!
  
  Also as a side note: I have a right to say no/pick someone else depending on the villager's age, so please bear that in mind! I will also be keeping a detailed track on who the parents of the children are. Got it?

How Will This Work?

The way this will be added to the stream is simple. While I am streaming the game of the day depending on what I put on my schedule, I will have the game playing at 2x speed for however long that I stream. At the end of stream, we will pull up the game up to see what is going on with the village. There are time where there will be events, and, depending on if the villager is named by someone already, that person will have the opportunity to make the decision themselves! However, if said person is not in stream, then I will make the decision for them so make sure you stay tuned for the end of stream for the village's updates! When off stream, I will either pause the game (which I can do if we don't want anything to happen!) or, if we want to see what happens next, I can keep the game at 1/2 speed (which will still make the village function, but at a slower pace). If you are a part of the discord, we can also determine whether or not you guys want a start and end stream check-in (which means if the game was running at 1/2 speed the previous stream, then we can check on the villagers before we begin and set the pace to 2x speed) or if you want an end stream only check in (which means if the game was paused, I'll start the game up again at 2x speed and check how things are at the end.

If you would like to learn more information about this fun game series as well as other games the developers have made, check out their website here on what other games they have made!

I will also be adding three more of their game series into my streams in the future (once I buy them of course!), so stay tuned for a future announcement from me on when I do! I figured I would start off with this game series first as it's one that I still enjoy to this day, and I'm super excited to play it again and share it with you all as a community (plus participation! Who doesn't love that?).

This game will be implemented the next time I stream, as I need time to set the redeems up as well as some possibly new sound alerts that I want to add! What the sound alerts may be, well, you'll have to wait and see!

That's it from me for now. I'm also still taking things day by day and things have been a bit tough but hanging in there! Until then Nightmarian Crew!

This photo is from the Virtual Villagers: A New Home starting screen!

Mental Health Update as well as Future Plans

 Hey Nightmarian Crew,

I know that it's been awhile since I have been extremely active when it comes to streaming, to my socials, to all of it really. For that, I apologize since that's not usually my style to keep quiet and not give a full update on where I stand and how I am feeling. A lot has been going on, some stuff I prefer to keep private for my own reasons, but know that I'm slowly trying to get myself into a better place day by day.

For streaming currently, I don't have a full schedule like I said I would because of how bad my mental health got. For now, I'm only going to stream when I feel like I'm at my best. I could end up streaming 3-4 days a week. I could end up streaming 1-2 days a week. It all depends on where I am during my healing journey. If things change, there will be another update, but for now, I feel like this is the best course of action so that way pressure doesn't cause my mental health to slip.

For the other socials, I'm currently building up some stuff to post so that way I have things for each one. In addition, once I feel like I'm in a good place when it comes to my content, I will have a social media schedule that will match it. I want to be able to give you all the best content and I want to be able to give you all things to enjoy seeing. I can't wait to share what I have planned once I have it all put together, so know that there are some things that are being worked on behind the scenes as I give everything a fresh coat of paint.

There are a few other personal matters that I am also taking care of behind the scenes as well all while working my day job, but I want to thank everyone again for being so patient, kind, and loving as I try to get through everything as much as I can. It truly does mean the world to me as I navigate everything and everyone has been super sweet.

Until then my Nightmarian Crew. I will see you all in the next update once I have one. Just continue to bear with me and know that everything I'm planning will be worth the wait.

As always, art by Melle-D

Happy New Year! Let's Talk About What's Ahead!

 Hello Nightmarian Crew, and Happy New Year and a prosperous 2026 ahead!

So I thought I would share a few thoughts that I had from the last time that I did a blog post. I have a lot to revamp still when it comes to the server, so within the next couple of months I want to try to get the rest of the server renovations finished. The directory will also be updated as well with any new forums that have been made.

I also noticed that I haven't fully been able to work on a schedule for both streaming and content, and for that, I want to apologize. 2025 certainly was a difficult year for me, with a lot of unexpected things happening to me that effected my mental and emotional well being, so some days have been harder than others because of it. This coming year, I have the plans to continue to work on myself mentally and emotionally while fulfilling as much as I can to bring you more content and more things to share!

New games will be streamed here and there from what was voted in the discord! I want to work better at having a consistent schedule for you all as much as possible (day job hours willing) so that way I can continue to spread the joy I have when it comes to the things that I love! In addition, I want to start expanding out when it comes to stuff that I enjoy, so that way there's more content for you all to enjoy! What I have in store however, well, you have to wait and see.

I have several goals this year as well that I would also like to share with you all. Those goals are the following:

• The goal for twitch is to get to at least 500 by the end of this year. Think we can do it? ;)
  
• Get more content out on my socials for you all to enjoy!
• Get a consistent schedule going for you all!
• Do more collabs with friends and others!
• Get the rest of the server fully revamped.

These are the main goals that I have, and I can't wait to see what adventures await! I hope you all will continue to follow me on this beautiful journey and let's make this year as productive and self loving as possible! Thank you for everyone who continues to support and follow my shenanigans, and let's continue to make the best community ever!

And as always, continue to enjoy your time on the ship!

With love, Xel

Art by the marvelous Melle-D

Future Gaming Plans

 Hey Nightmarian Crew! It's time for another update on stuff that I'm going to be doing!

This particular update is going to be focused on some of the games that I want to stream and share with you all! I also wanted to start having designated nights for specific games in order to have some more variety, so that way we can still have a series on the twitch channel, but also have a mix of other things to just vibe and enjoy chatting. Please note that not everything is set in stone yet, but in a future update I will inform everyone when things are more solidified.

For casual/chill games on the docket, I have the following planned out for right now:

• Core Keeper (which will also fit under multiplayer)
• Luma Island (which will also fit under multiplayer)
• Placid Plastic Duck Simulator
• Powerwash Simulator (which will also fit under multiplayer)
• The Sims 4
• Spirit of the North
• Stardew Valley
• Storyteller
• Tiny Glade
• A Game About Digging a Hole
• Plague Inc: Evolved

For Story Driven Games on the docket, I have the following planned out for right now:

• Mass Effect Andromeda (Next on the docket after Mass Effect 3!)
• Bioshock Infinite
• Crash Bandicoot N' Sane Trilogy
• Cult of the Lamb (which will also fit under multiplayer)
• Deltarune
• Undertale
• Dragon Age II
• Dragon Age: Origins
• Graveyard Keeper
• Potion Permit
• Life is Strange: Before the Storm
• Little Nightmares II
• Rise of the Tomb Raider
• Sonic Frontiers
• Sonic Origins
• Tomb Raider
• Ty the Tasmanian Tiger

Finally, for Co-Op/Multiplayer games that I will play with others I have the following planned for now:

• 7 Days to Die
• Abiotic Factor
• Ale & Tale Tavern
• Dead by Daylight
• Enshrouded
• Golf with Friends
• Lethal Company
• REPO
• Gunfire Reborn
• Helldivers 2
• Peak
• Phasmophobia
• Sea of Thieves
• UNO
• V Rising

The following Games I will be unable to play at this time until a new graphics card is obtained, and thusly, will be on pause:

• Dragon Age Veilguard
• Elden Ring Nightreign
• Stray
• The Headliners

The following games will be continued in the future:

• The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog
• Dragon Age Inquisition
• Have a Nice Death

That's currently all I have for right now on the dockets, though I do have more games here and there (as a majority of these are from my steam. I still have quite a few on other gaming platforms such as Amazon, GOG, Epic, and Legacy). Again look forward to what I plan for my weekly streaming in a future update!

As always, enjoy your time on the ship!

The Future of the Discord Server

 Hey Nightmarian Crew!

So in this update, I wanted to talk more about what the future of the Discord server is going to look like. I'm going to explain things in sections, so strap in and let's get started!

Please also note that these changes will take some time, so some things will be moved around here and there! There are going to be certain categories for certain roles as well, to make things more inclusive to those in the server as we continue to grow the community!

Rules

The rules are going to be updated. Some of them are going to be the same. As a refresh on what rules are currently, they are the following:

1. Don't be a dick. At least, don't be the kind of dick that causes problems.
2. Please be respectful of one another. You are allowed to speak your opinions, and there's room for healthy debates only. Let's try to make friends.
3. No talks of politics, real life events (you know, the news you see on TV that kind of stuff), or Religion. Some people aren't comfortable with discussions of these topics.
4. There is ZERO TOLERANCE for harassment. If there is someone making you uncomfortable in this server, please notify me or one of the main crew immediately.
5. No Trauma or Drama. Leave it off the ship. Any disrespect to anyone in my community is an immediate disrespect to me. The moment that disrespect happens whether here or on stream, will lead to straight blacklisting with no second chances.
6. No boundary pushing. When someone says stop, you stop.
7. Please follow Discord ToS. (This should be a given).
8. If I am unavailable, please refer to the Main Crew for any questions that you may have. If I am also unavailable for a duration of time, Pixel will be in charge of the server on my behalf. Do not disrespect any of these people. (See rule 5)
9. Please do not spam massive walls of text in the chat. As much as I love novels, others may not as much.

The following rules are going to stay the same: 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, and 9.

The following rules will be updated: 5 and 8.

Some of the new rules being added (as well as edited rules) will be as follows:

• Please do not ask for specific roles. The Main Crew and I will decide them for you. There will be a roles channel where you can react for certain things, but special roles are granted by us, final say being by me.
• If you're going to vent, please make sure you're in the appropriate channel for it. Also if your venting has triggers, please ensure that there is a spoiler to cover it as to keep the community safe. The one thing you CANNOT vent about is if it has to do with a specific person.
• NO DRAMA. Leave it off the ship. Resolve things in private if you have a problem with someone, but do not drag your dirty laundry into this server! This will lead to warnings, before leading to a ban!
• DO NOT disrespect anybody here in this server! The moment that disrespect happens whether on here or on stream will lead straight to blacklisting with NO second chances!
• If I am away, the Main Crew along with Pandy is in charge. Announcements will be made by them if I am unable to myself.

I am also going to be adding some rules when it comes to wanting art with my OC. If you ever have any questions, please feel free to ask me via DM. There may be additional rules that will be added, but for now, these are the ones that will be currently.

Roles

There are going to be some new roles that will be added, and all the ones that are currently there will stay the same. The following roles will now be added:

NEW NSFW ROLE: Seductive Scallywags
That's right! It's finally happening! This role should be self explanatory. This particular role is for 18+ PEOPLE ONLY. There are going to be various categories that you will be able to post in, so I hope you all are ready to head below deck for a good time! My Main Crew will ask for confirmation when it comes to this particular role, so we ask that you are HONEST about your age when wanting this NSFW role!
VIP members please note!: Your nsfw forum will be staying the same! Inner Circle members will also have a nsfw to share with JUST those in the inner circle able to see it!

NEW ARTIST ROLE: Pirate Painters

Anyone who is an artist will be given this role here! Artists will have their own little hub category to show off their work, promo themselves, and make connections when it comes to commissions!

In addition, I will be adding a bot for some of the roles to make things a little bit easier for some of you guys as well, and will most likely have it as a way for you guys to react to the rules. There may be more roles that will be added in the future, but for now, these two are the main roles that will be adding to the bunch that I have.

New Channels and Categories

New channels will be added into the server as well as new categories. What they will be, well, you will have to find out when I do make them! Just know that there is a lot of fun stuff ahead in regards to making the community more inclusive, so just pay attention to the ship directory for more information as the discord server goes under some reconstruction!

Please note that these changes will take some time, but I look forward to sharing these changes with all of you guys! I hope we can continue to create an amazing and inclusive environment for all and please continue to enjoy your time on the ship!

Art by Melle-D!

The Social Media Breakdown

 Hey Nightmarian Crew!

As promised in the previous update, here is a breakdown on how I will be using all of my socials in the future. There is still no definitive on what my social media schedule is going to be as of yet, but I will inform you all in a future Captain's Decrees announcement as well as under my about on the discord.

The following social medias I plan to use, and what I will be using them for:

• Bluesky, X, Facebook Page (maybe might use, unsure), and Threads: These are mostly going to be just the regular twitch stream announcements of when I go live, as well as some other regular social media posts that I want to share. I will also be reposting things that I like, so that way you guys get to see a bit more of who I am as a person!
• Gaia Online: This website is how I met a couple of my internet friends, is a social media site that gives me a lot of nostalgia. This website will mostly be used for a guild that I'm slowly building, and for more ways that my followers can interact with me and others in the community while also branching out to other fun things that this website has to offer! You can customize your own avatar on there to match your personality, and they also have different forums and games for you all to check out!
• Instagram: This is where I'm going to share some fun things from my day to day life as well as share the art I get of my Captain, and I do have various accounts so if you see two different NightmarianXel accounts, then yes, both of them are mine, but my Linktree has the one for most of my streaming and art sharing things (and yes, I still have to update it all). I also have an additional account for just my writing stuff, so feel free to check them out.
• Tumblr and Deviantart: These places is where I will be sharing screenshots for the games that I play on either PC or Switch. I have A LOT of screenshots to share, especially during my times playing Halo with a bunch of my friends on xbox. I hope you all will enjoy the future content on that!
• YouTube (this one won't be for awhile): This is where I will be sharing all of my VODS from my streams. I know that YouTube has been doing a lot of odd changes lately, which is why I haven't posted anything as of yet. But once I know everything in detail then I will post them on there. For now, all VODS are currently stored away safely (every. single. one of them.)
• Kick and Rumble (future things!): I figure now is a good time as any to announce that I do have a kick account and a Rumble account! These ones are probably going to be my podcast streaming channels when I plan on what I want the podcasts to be about. So prepare for future updates on these somewhere down the road!
• Throne: This is an obvious. If you want to gift things, you are more than free to, but it is not required at all. I just like having it as a fun thing, and you sort of get to know me more on my likes and stuff to to be honest lmao. I update this thing a lot.
• Kofi: I do have a kofi now! It's not fully operational just yet, but will have some stretch goals for that soon enough! More information in the future will follow in regards to this!

So this has been the update on how the socials will be used, and again, please keep your eyes out in the future for what the social media schedule will look like! Later on this week, I will be sharing more on the discord server and what things will be looking like for that, and what I will be adding and more definitive on what each role represents as well as what rules will be added and what other ones will be edited. Stay tuned also for another blog post next week on what games I want to be able to stream and share with you guys! 

Until then Crew, please continue to enjoy your time on the ship!

Art by Melle-D!